Drug Rehabilitation that works

by United Nations Development Programme

Question by miss b: My boyfriend is a recovering crack addict. How do I best support him in his recovery?
Or, are there any assurances that he won’t relapse? We’re getting really close…I’m thinking that he’s going to propose over the holidays.He was clean and sober before we met, but I understand the 12 step philosophy that there is no recovered addict. I suppose, I just want assurances that y’all can’t give…but I’m asking anyway.
No, “once an addict, always an addict” isn’t true. I work in the mental health field…people can and DO change…it’s a belief one must have, esp. when one is in that profession. And Ihave seen people in my own life who, after they sobered up, stayed that way the rest of their lives
Yes, he was going to NA meetings before we met…he chairs the Friday meeting.
He’s been clean for nearly two years.

Best answer:

Answer by Matt
Man, I wish I could meet some hot babes who say yes to crack addicts! Jeez!

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Question by Bethany Stewart: What do I now that my boyfriend decided to turn over his paternal rights?
I am a single mother of two other children and one the way. I’m 7 months pregnant and my boyfriend of a 1 year and 3 months is deciding to turn over his paternal rights once the baby is born. The problem is I have no job and no car. I’m basically broke. My boyfriend is the only one working. He told me that he is not ready to be a father yet. He struggles with alcoholism and his license is revoked. I don’t know what to do now. I’m 24yrs old and he’s 27yrs old.

Best answer:

Answer by Holly
Oh that sucks but your answer is be the best mommy you can be. If you cant provide for your kids you should sign adoption papers its hard but you gotta think wats best for your kids oh and use birth control after the baby. Good luck and Happy New Year!

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by U.S Embassy Kabul Afghanistan

Question by Belinda B: How do I find the perfect addiction treatment center for my boyfriend who’s a drug addict?
My boyfriend is a drug addict. He started taking drugs when he lost his job in an advertising firm, which he loves to pieces. I can’t really blame him you know, but I don’t want him to get harmed either. I have been trying to urge him to go to an addiction treatment center but to no avail.

Recently however, we found out that I’m pregnant, and we’re gonna be parents soon. This sort of changed his outlook; he told me he doesn’t want our child to have a father who’s a drug addict. So now we’re looking for an addiction treatment center to help him out. Got any ideas?

Best answer:

Answer by dragonludovic
Losing a job is a bad excuse to take drugs, what about the love for you. make sure your baby is not addicted too. He can stop if he wants will power is the key. Don’t listen to his excuses, people on drugs are full of them I know my friend die from heroine abuse………….

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by dichohecho

Question by duckieluv0329: My Boyfriend is a recovered alcoholic, he has been drinking when we fight, what should I do?
he has been drinking when we fight, what should I do?
He was very active in AA but now he refuses to go, I told him I would go with him.
My last Boyfriend killed himself with drugs, it was a hell I will never recover from, I can’t take watching another one die this way.

Best answer:

Answer by dontknow86
He is drinking so you will stay with him….Get rid of him if he wants to end his life its NOT your fault, Get a diffrent kind of guy not one that needs to be fixed.

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He had a child before he started. So i want to know for future reference will we be able to have kids?

I have been with him for almost 5 years and the last two he has gotten into drugs. He knows he has a problem but really doesn’t want help. He thinks he can beat this on his own. I am pretty deep into our relationship and have made my last stand. Either he gets help or I’m gone. I understand only he can help himself but I’m growing concerned for his safety and the safety of his family. What is the best way to handle the situation?

I recently started dating my boyfriend. Well,a month ago.

He’s very nice and I pretty much adore him. The only problem is,I am worried that he will go behind my back and do what he use to do.

Since we got together he vowed to never touch a drug again. While I trust him to a certain extent,I also know that quitting drugs isn’t just that easy to do,and sometimes still wonder.

How is one to deal with this,any advice?

Just wondering if anyone has been through this and if you have any tips to help. We can’t afford for him to go to rehab. He has been clean for 4 days and has used for almost a year. I’m worried he will go back to using.

Okay, I know what you are all going to say… “break up with him!” But I really want an alternate route of action…. So, My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 1 year. When we first got together he had 2 part time jobs that he had been at for about a year prior. He also had a slight drug abuse problem that I wasn’t fully aware of. I was also addicted to drugs in the past (over 5 years ago) so I understand the issues and work that goes along with getting clean, so we started working on it.

One job did lay offs about 4 months into our relationship and he was one of the few to get the boot(he had already started getting off drugs and was doing everything to the best of his power so I let it go)

So now we are down to 1 part time job… that he ended up loosing as well about 2 1/2 months ago.

The problem: We live together and I pay ALL the bills!
AND, Did I mention I have two 4 year old children??

I love my boyfriend sooo much, and my kids love him even more…They adore him. He is great with them and they would rather play with him over me most of the time. He helps me get through all the stressful mommy moments and is helping me teach my kids disipline(they were outa control before him)

Today he is clean, but unemployed, and living off me. The only hope I have left of getting any financial help out of him is the unemployment check that is due to arrive shortly (it took him 2 months to even apply!)

On top of all this, he has drug classes is is supposed to be completing. He wont fuc*n** go! I know I am constantly asking him to do things (like help me get the kids ready for school, we just moved, etc) because I am beyond stressed out, but he should still be able to find time to do it. he is already on strike 2 and the judge told him he needs to be attending meetings before his next court date(last one was 2 weeks ago). He still hasn’t attended one!

When he first got laid off he put in a few apps but never followed up. Now he takes 2-3 naps a day while I’m at work and my house is a mess (its both of our mess but im at work all day and he’s home sleeping).

we are BROKE, and im stressing on how im gonna feed my family at this point. Im turning into a ***** too. constantly nagging and I hate it. Im even counting beers. Im sad to admit but today I counted corndogs that I bought 2 days ago and he has already eaten 10! along with other stuff…..

I dont want to break up with him, or I wouldn’t have posted this.
What I’m looking for are any ideas on how to help him motivate and become a productive MAN.

He was on meth for 7 years, we used to use together.I know he’s a good person, but he hasn’t lived in the real world for a long time. How do you rehabilitate someone into reality? Make them pride themselves and want to succeed. He’s not the smartest cookie and is having trouble getting emloyed because of his criminal background. I am trying to be patient and I want to help guide him.

Any Ideas?? Please Help me!!!

*****Please don’t read this if you will be judgemental, I am looking for solid, intelligent advice, perhaps from people who have dealt with violent alcoholics before. ******

Here’s what happened: My boyfriend that lives with me got extremely drunk Friday night and beat me very violently while I was driving my car with my 8 month old daughter (not his) in the backseat, and then drove his car away when I got him back to his car. I called the cops because I was scared of him coming back and being more violent, and when they found him he obviously also got arrested for DWI, and also has a charge for endangering the welfare of a minor because my daughter was in the backseat when he was hitting me and that could have caused an accident, and pending charges for a hit and run because his car was damaged, if they can figure out what he hit.

When the police completed the reports they asked me if i wanted a stay away temporary order of protection, and when they asked me this and had me sign the paperwork, I was scared and it seemed like a good idea at the time due to my fear. The order of protection says that if he has any contact with me (phone, email, in person, or even through a third party) he will be charged with a violation of the order, but he still called me from jail, and I accepted the calls because his father told me he really needed to talk to me to apologize.

When I talked to him, he told me that he was blacked out when this happened, he has absolutely no memory of the events of that night, he feels absolutely terrible about it and cannot believe he did it. I believe it 100 percent that he didnt intentionally do these things. He has NEVER hit me before and he is not like this all when he is sober, but I also know that the bottom line is that he still did it, and does deserve to face the consequences. He is facing at least a year for the DWI and then another 8 months if I pursue the charges for the assault.

He was sober for 6 years from 2002 to 2008, so he has proven in the past that he can avoid alcohol, but last year he made the mistake of thinking he could handle drinks again, and it has been downhill from there for him since. I met him 6 months ago, and at first I would drink with him, but about 3 months ago I stopped drinking and he also cut back but, well obviously he is a person who should never ever drink. He told me that he never wants to drink again because he knows it brings out a very violent side of him that he hates, and he cannot control himself.

He says he is going to seek all of the help he can get and that he doesnt want to lose me. I know that I definitely plan to use the time while he is in jail to work on improving myself and getting therapy to learn how to have healthy relationships (I have a tendency to “need” men to boost my self esteem and I also am an “enabler”). I do not even know right now if I will stay with him after this, but I don’t want to make that decision right now because I need to see how he does on a long term basis, and give myself time to heal as well. I also know that after he does get out of jail, that is the crucial time to see if he really means what he says, but i figure since I am going to be single anyways for a long time, in order to work on improving me, then if we are meant to be together, we will and it will be a healthy relationship, or not at all.

So, with all that in mind, and the fact that I love him very very much, at this point I think I want to have the order of protection removed, because I want to be able to write to him and possibly visit him in jail so he knows that I support him getting help for his alcoholism, and also so that he will know that I am not concerned with finding another man.

The problem is, my daughter’s biological father is currently pursuing a custody case against me to avoid paying child support, and I am worried that if the court finds out that I requested to remove the order of protection from the man that endangered my daughter’s welfare, they may view that as me not making the right choices for her, but the thing is, my boyfriend is in jail anyways so obviously that keeps us physically safe for now, and the only thing the order of protection does is increase the penalties for him if he is in contact with me… If I dont have it removed, then the only way I could keep in contact with him is through my boyfriend’s father who will go and visit him and talk to him on the phone to tell him how I am doing and vice versa on how he is doing.

…..I want to make the right choices for me, my daughter, and the man that I love, so what level of contact should I have with him?
OK – I see that the unanimous answer is no contact and I agree because that is also what my friends and family say, and kinda what my logical brain says even thought my heart is very very torn. My next question then is what do I do with his stuff and his dog? There is nobody that can take his stuff or his dog, so if I get rid of it, he will lose the very few precious things he has in this world, and the dog would basically be getting a death sentence and he will literally have nothing when he gets back, because everyting he owns is at my house.

I have the room in my house to store his belongings, and I love the dog with all my heart plus I like the protection of having the dog here and also dogs are good company. Is it alright to contact him one final time, explain that I am not removing the restraining order because of the custody case, and to work on myself – but that I wish him the best, and then when he gets out of jail he can come and get his property at that point?