i don’t know what to do to stop hurting. i’m 19 years old, a senior in high school. i’ve been living with my dad for alittle over a year, he and i were very close in the begining. he was recovering from a crack addiction and alcoholism and doing very well, he had a few relapses during that time but they consisted of getting high or drunk once, telling me about it if i didn’t already know, appologizing, and then stopping and staying sober for several months. about 2 1/2 weeks ago he and his live-in girlfriend had an arguement and he came to me and said it was about him using behind my back for several months. he told me he would sober back up and things would get better, i didn’t believe him this time, about a week later i found a crack pipe in a cigarette pack while he was sleeping. i wrote him a long note telling him i needed to get out of the house to think and i didn’t know when i would be back. when i got a hold of him again i told him i didn’t think it was healthy … to be cont.
for me to continue living there and enabling him, i had told him on more than one occasion that i would move out if he relapsed again, this time i did. i found some friends who took me in for a very small amount of rent and have been staying with them ever since, only going back to gather a few clothing articles and other necessities. i have been keeping in contact with him via phone because i still love him and want to maintain a relationship with him. this morning before school i called him because he had asked me to, he said we needed to talk soon. when i asked him what it was about he said he was considering moving across the country back to Washington state, i didn’t have time to talk more, i will be going over tomorrow to talk with him face to face about it, but it devistated me that he was leaving. i love my grandmother to death but i know that when he goes back to Washington she will enable him more so than i ever was able. it hurts me so bad because i love him… continued…
so much and wanted more than anything to try and form a healthier relationship with him and now that will be impossible. he won’t get the help that he needs when he leaves, and i know that he can get healthy, but not if he goes back to Washington where he knows many more people, most of whom he used drugs with (many more than crack) and he will fall back into the pattern that he has been in for many years of using and not caring about anyone/anything. is there some way that i can make the pain he’s causing me to go away and stop thinking about him and crying everytime i do? is there some way i can help him? is there a reason people do this to the ones who love them? any feedback or advice you have will be greatly appreciated.
thank you,
Girl in Pain
I know several people who have addicted to several different drugs and the one thing they have in common is if they don’t truly want to stop the drug they will not. You can try to get him in a rehab if you or he have the means to do so but as I said earlier if he does not want to stop he will not. For some people that will mean hitting rock bottom, but you must remember there are different levels of rock bottom. Sometimes it is losing a spouse or child sometimes jail who knows. You should try to talk to him but only at a time when you believe him to sober that may be difficult to do. Sorry I cant help more.
Just forget about it for a whhiiiiile…………… There would be no point of crying everyday. You need to do something. Just try to focus on 1 thing
Look in your local phone book for a Community Mental Health Agency. There’s a crisis # or there regular day #. Call it. Tell them you really need to talk with someone to help you sort out some family concerns. If your area doesn’t have that Agency then look for a Family and Childrens Services. Don’t worry about the cost–it’s verrry reasonable and on a slideing scale. YOU CAN DO THIS FOR YOURSELF!!! I have and am soooo glad that I did. GO FOR IT!!!
Young lady, let me start by saying I admire your strength and deep concern for your Dad. I also sympathize with the pain that you are feeling. However, you did the right thing by refusing to enable your Dad’s behavior, and removing yourself from an unhealthy environment. This is one of the problems with addiction, those who are closest to the addicted often get hurt themselves. Your Dad is hurting, and hurt people usually hurt other people. He gets high because he feels low, he gets drunk because he feels empty. But ultimately he will have to take responsablity for his own life. There is a place in every person’s heart that only God can fill. When your Dad get “sick and tired of being sick and tired,” hopefully he will turn to God. What he is looking for is peace, and he will never find it in a bottle or in a pipe. Peace is a person, his name is Jesus, “The Prince of Peace.” I’m a witness to what I’m saying. I abused alcohol and drugs for over 15 years, and hurt everyone close to me. Over a period of time, I found myself alone, depressed, and suicidal. But I had a choice to make, either to die or surrender to God. I did the latter. Now I’m clean and sober, and help others struggling with addictions. Don’t allow your Dad’s pain to become your pain. Forgive him and pray for his healing. But ultimately, only your Dad can change his life. Don’t nag him, but speak to the potential that’s in him. The next time you speak with him say something like this, ” How is the world’s greatest Dad doing today?” He won’t change over night, its a process. People become what you encourage them to be. Try not to worry, God is in control.
sometimes you love a person enough to let them go…
i believe you have done everything in your ability to be the best daughter to him…
and now it’s his turn to decide how he wants this story to end…
sometimes you have to provide an ultimatum and then stick to it…
because, from what is sounds like…the way things are going, none of you are healthy…
you, because with every phone call that he makes to you, that just adds more stress in your life…and more disappointment…
tell him how much you care for him, but its his call now…will he choose sobriety and his daughter or will he give everything up for his habit?
good luck to you!